Reconnection with Joy! by Randy Brown

My Journey of Reconnection with Joy

Contributed by Randy Brown

 

Randy Brown's narrative in Metamorphosis-Your StoriesAs a kid, I knew exactly what brought me joy! It was playing baseball. The game was magical to me. I loved everything about it: the uniforms, the equipment, even the dimension of the field. I loved the strategy of each pitch. I love to watch the Major league players who had become my heroes for their amazing ability to play this magical game.

When I wasn’t playing baseball I was day-dreaming about baseball, reading books and articles about baseball. I would walk with my friends to 7-Eleven to buy baseball cards and baseball trading cups. I would buy baseball magazines so I could cut out the pictures and put them up on my bedroom wall.

No one ever had to motivate me to play baseball! My desire to play flowed as effortlessly as breathing. When I was playing baseball it was as if time didn’t exist, I never checked the time to see when I needed to quit. It required no effort, no hard work and there was no pressure, no stress, just pure joy!

I grew up in a very normal, happy family. And to this day we are all very close and love each other deeply. My parents were loving and generous people who also happened to be extremely talented and high achieving people. My Dad was gifted in athletics and business, while my mother was a gifted singer.

Somewhere along the way I lost the ability to be “fully alive.” As anxiety and fear of failure crept into my life I began avoiding many of the joys of life, in order to avoid pain.

Along the way I came to the conclusion that there were only two standards of performance: perfection or failure, there was no middle ground. This caused me to drive myself very hard and to put a lot of internal pressure on myself. In doing so, I became my own harsh judge.

So by the time I reached high school the inner pressure of perfectionism had me completely disconnected from my earlier, pure love of baseball. The passion that had once resonated so strongly, had been whittled away, one perfectionistic piece at a time. I had become terrified of not living up to my own perfectionistic ideals, no longer playing for the joy of the game, but instead trying to avoid failing, because failure, of any kind, was not an option. What could I do but try even harder, which brought on more stress and anxiety.

In college, I did what I felt I “should” do by pursuing a major in Business, which I had no passion for. In fact, it caused me great anxiety and when I didn’t excel in my school work I experienced frustration and discouragement.

When I graduated, I followed my Dad’s footsteps and went into sales. By now I was completely disconnected from what brought me joy, and was completely without a dream or passion in my life. I was just doing what I thought “I should” do.

Of course, I took on my sales career with the same perfectionistic mindset. I definitely had an “outside-in” focus, needing the recognition, bonus checks and awards that are typical of people having to be motivated to do something they aren’t inspired by.

Under the stress of trying to be high-performer, in something I didn’t love, I began having panic attacks and severe depression. Somehow I continued in sales for another 25 years, all the time driving myself, and continuing to battle anxiety. Eventually OCD and addictive tendencies began to take over and I hit the wall. I knew there had to be something more. I had reached the point of emotional and spiritual bankruptcy.

The direction of my life began to change when I had an amazing spiritual experience. One Sunday afternoon as I was praying in my bedroom, being now truly desperate, something seemed to subtly shift and a gentle message pierced my despair: I received the impression that we needed to move to Utah where my father-in-law worked as a personal success coach for the Professional Education Institute, a company that helps clients all over the world align with their dreams and passions.

Things didn’t completely change overnight, there were still challenges ahead, but my transformation process was underway. Little by little, I was exposed to the success principles taught by some of the world’s top personal development gurus.

After working there for a while, it became evident that there were some absolutely vital things missing from all of their teachings

While working at PEI, I had the opportunity of meeting best-selling author and inspirational speaker Jack Canfield when he came to speak with the personal coaches. In his presentation, he took us through a meditation exercise designed to help us connect with our “Highest Good.” This simple exercise had a life-changing effect on me. For years I had an inner desire to become an author myself. I had started and stopped several times in my efforts to write a book. As Jack spoke to us that day, something amazing took place inside of me that caused powerful emotions to resonate.

This experience caused me to ask myself, “What if everything I’ve believed about success is wrong?”

  • What if True Success is a measure of how happy I am?
  • What if True Success is less about effort and more about allowing?
  • What if True Success flows as a result a Divine Purpose that been designed for each of our lives?

I know now that these feelings that resonated so powerfully inside of me were calling me to my “Divine Purpose,” calling me to live the joy that was designed for my life.

Contact page for the Essence of Laurel website

“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart.  Who looks outside dreams.  Who looks inside awakens.” – Carl Jung 

 

Randy Brown shares a story in Metamorphosis-Your Stories

Bio – Randy Brown

Randy Brown is a personal development speaker, author and coach. He is now a self-employed business owner.

Randy is the author of “Experiencing Christ, Your Personal Journey to the Savior,” and his current project is “TRUE Success: Your Divine Purpose.” He has done personal coaching for Robert Kiyosaki and Jack Canfield.

For over 20 years, Randy did numerous public speaking engagements for the Southwestern/Great American Company.

Randy’s  blog contains articles and posts designed to help individuals  find “TRUE Success” by connecting to their “Divine Purpose.” His inspirational messages will provide readers with universal principles and techniques that will enable individuals to change limiting beliefs and attract an abundant life of Divine Purpose!

Randy Brown’s Blog: www.principlesofdivinepurpose.com

http://www.facebook.com/7PrinciplesOfDivinePurpose

 

 

 

 

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Endings and Beginnings – its metamorphosis!

Endings and Beginnings – its metamorphosis!

 

My poem and original artwork called Endings and Beginnings were created in 2009, reflecting how I felt after grappling with the loss of my husband.   As I walked on Siesta Key, here in Sarasota, Florida – a calmness came over me.  The sunset reminded me about how life renews itself every single day.  Endings and Beginnings was and is reflective of my attitude about life.

Yesterday,  for no particular reason, I was inspired to transform the original artwork which accompanied the poem Endings and Beginnings in my book “Emerging Voices.”   My artwork went through its own metamorphosis, just as I have.   Change is inevitable and it gives me a chance to express myself from where I am in the present moment.  As John O’Donohue said There is an unseen life that dreams us. It knows our true direction and destiny. We can trust ourselves more than we realize and we need have no fear of change” 

The song, Endings and Beginnings, was composed and sung by Philip Leber – my life partner.   When he composed the music, he was inspired by both the poetry and the original image.   Click on the link below to listen to Endings and Beginnings – it reflects how both of us feel about life today.

Enjoy!   Laurel

Spiritual poetry and artwork by Laurel Rund called Endings and BeginningsEndings & Beginnings

When I gaze at a sunset, it fills me with awe.

Watching the orange glow of the sun recede,

it takes me to a place of serenity and optimism.

As sundown arrives, I cannot help but

stand still…be quiet…and bear witness.

Nature’s golden moments and breathtaking beauty

offer the gift of tranquility.

A sunset brings with it the soft whisper

of life’s possibilities ~

the promise of a new day!

When this magnificent source of light

recedes behind the clouds far into the horizon,

and daylight starts to dim,

I know with certainty that life always

renews itself with Endings and Beginnings.

Laurel D. Rund   © 2009
 

 

Endings & Beginnings:   

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Lyrics by Laurel D. Rund & Philip Leber.  Music composed and sung by Philip W. Leber of Gulf Blues

 

The original collage and touch drawing of Endings and Beginnings by Laurel Rund

Original collage and touch drawing titled  Endings and Beginnings

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What is Body Language?

Body Language – in Poetry and Art

 

Body Language, the poem,  was first written in 1977  - describing the constant battle I had with myself over my weight.  During a life-changing and transformative time in 2009, I finally came to an understanding of what the words “body language” actually meant to me.   The poem was transformed into a very different piece of writing when I realized that my body language was telling me to love myself unconditionally - from the inside out.  

It was then that the war with my body ended and I was able to find the words to rewrite this poem from a place of self-love.  It took over ten years for “Body Language” to emerge as art and poetry – appropriately so because it was part of my own metamorphosis.

When I look into a mirror today, I see something different than I did years ago.  I see a reflection of a woman who’s spirit shines through her eyes and it mirrors back to me who I truly am!

Contact page for the Essence of Laurel website

The touch drawing below is unencumbered – an image that came from my head, heart and hands onto paper.  That and the poem is as it should be ~ joy-filled and beautiful!  Laurel

 

touch drawing Body Language by artist Laurel Rund

Body Language

There was a time when my soul was

mirrored by the form of my body.

As my girth grew wider and I felt out of control,

there was a voice crying out saying

“hear me, feel me, and let me be free!”

With an outward attitude of pleasantries

and getting along as comfortably as I could,

I would not listen to that urgent plea.

And, like the ironies of so many things in life,

my feelings could not be ignored or pushed down.

All of those unspoken and long neglected thoughts

were eaten up to numb the pain.

When I finally allowed these voices to emerge and be heard,

I was transformed – food no longer was my “source.”

I listened, found my purpose

and unearthed my spirit.

And now ~ my body mirrors

 the Essence of my Being!

Laurel D. Rund

October 1977 ~ June 2010

 

 

Note: this and other poetry and artwork can be found in my book “Emerging Voices”

 

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Mixed Messages-Unfolding Beliefs by Hannah Bellaff

Metamorphosis – Your Stories 

One Woman’s Spiritual Awakening

 

Mixed Messages – Unfolding Beliefs

Contributed by Hannah Bellaff

 

Both of my parents were Holocaust survivors.  Dad was about 17 and Mom 15 when the German army occupied their hometown in Lodz, Poland (they did not know each other at that time). They were made to wear the Star of David because they were Jewish and were placed in the ghetto where many people became ill and died from malnutrition and diseases.  This way of life went on for about four years. Then one day they were stuffed onto a cattle train with many other people.  Destination – Auschwitz (the death camp).

It was a terrible journey and many did not survive it.  Upon their arrival at Auschwitz-Birkenau, they were separated from their families. Mom had a younger brother and sister. She and her brother were the only survivors. Their youngest sister was ripped from their mother’s arms, screaming wildly from fear – her screams lived with them for the rest of their lives.  This was the last time they saw their parents and younger sister.  Dad had seven sisters and was the only survivor.  I’ll spare you those details.

Metamorphosis story about a woman's spiritual awakeningMom and Dad met right after the war in Munich, Germany.  They married soon after, and I was born one year later.  I remember Mom, always loving, tender and spiritual, lighting the Sabbath candles every Friday night.  Dad, on the cynical side, didn’t care much.  Mom told me she felt there has to be a God for her to have survived the Holocaust.  Dad, on the other hand, felt there could not be a God because a God would not have allowed such atrocities.

As a child living with parents who were “Survivors” I remember having an innate faith and belief in God, notwithstanding the different beliefs my parents held.

When I turned five, my parents told me we would be moving to America and live in a place called Brooklyn, New York.  As we approached Liberty Island everyone on the ship went on deck to see the Statue of Liberty.  We all cheered as the ship passed by her.  I didn’t understand, but I knew we had arrived. 

We settled into our new home and new way of life.  Years later my best friend declared that she was going to become an atheist (she felt that if you couldn’t see God, he was not real). After hearing what she said, and being confused by my parents’ mixed messages, I thought my friend’s way of thinking made perfect sense – so I decided that I, too, would become an atheist.

But that night I felt uneasy, had difficulty sleeping and had a strong sense that something was “missing”.  The next morning the feeling persisted.  I went through the entire week weepy and sad.  What was wrong with me?  How could “not believing” make me feel so empty inside?  

Recalling my Mom’s experience during the Holocaust, her courage and convictions, made me think about my decision. I realized that I often prayed to God and my prayers were always answered – not necessarily the way I had hoped for but, nonetheless, they were answered.  As soon as I recognized that I believed in the existence of God and that it was an important part of who I was –  it felt like a spiritual awakening.  Despite my parents’ mixed messages, I was comforted by the choice I made for myself.

Since those early years, I have had both joyful as well as difficult life experiences.  Sometimes the difficulties brought back some doubts, but the uncertainties soon disappeared as I recalled the feelings I experienced as a young girl, welcoming God back in.  Knowing and trusting those feelings gave me the courage to persevere and work it through.

Today, I have grown to value and appreciate life’s challenges.  Every situation brings with it an opportunity to learn about myself and to grow.  This is my journey.  Through it all I have come out stronger, and so have my beliefs.  As Ram Dass saidIt’s only when caterpillarness is done that one becomes a butterfly. That again is part of this paradox. You cannot rip away caterpillarness. The whole trip occurs in an unfolding process of which we have no control.”

It is significant to me that my story is being shared on Metamorphosis – Your Stories at the time of Rosh Hashanah (“Jewish New Year”) and Yom Kippur (“Day of Atonement”). Yom Kippur is considered the most solemn day of the year, and when I light the memorial candles I envision my mother doing the same. This meaningful tradition brings me to the very essence of my being; a place of peacefulness from which I connect to my inherent spirituality.

“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls a butterfly!”  R. Bach

Hannah Bellaff – Bio

 

Metamorphosis story about a woman's spiritual awakening

 

In 1994 my lifetime quest to learn more about myself led me to Landmark Education’s The Forum where I completed the Curriculum for Living. This education brought about positive and permanent shifts in the quality of my life and an understanding of “the nature of human beings.”

Although I enjoyed applying what I learned at the Forum, there seemed to be a “missing link”.  I decided to continue on my path of my spiritual awakening by studying the teachings of Ernest Holmes’ Science of the mind in The Foundations class.

In 2004, I was introduced to Reiki energy healing, which opened the gateway to my strong interest in the healing arts.  After completion of Reiki Master training, I went on to study various other energy healing modalities, which included Diksha, Pranic Healing, Craniosacral Therapy, Theta Healing and Massage Therapy.  Since then, I have been a co-facilitator of Reiki Circles within my community as well as having my own energy healing practice www.EnergeticHealingPaths.com.

In my practice, I use a combination of techniques based on individual discussions and my inner wisdom. Combining healing energies has proven to be powerful experiences for my clients where they can experience a sense of tranquility, well-being and spiritual harmony.

Metamorphosis - Your Stories of transformation and self-realization

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A Heart change is a Mind changed! by Carla Mancari

Metamorphosis – Your Stories

 

Turning Away from Racist Teachings

                                     

A Heart Change is a Mind Changed

                                         Contributed by Carla R. Mancari

Metamorphosis - Your Stories/stories about transformation and self-realization

I remember my parents, Italian immigrants, as loving and hardworking.  The 10th of their 12th children, I was a sickly baby, a fragile child who was not considered to be very bright. My conditioning by family, teachers, religious leaders and peers placed racism in my life by implying that blacks were inferior, less then others.  I attended segregated Catholic schools and lived in all-white neighborhoods, and the very idea of mixing or associating with blacks in school, neighborhood or social activities was unthinkable. The northern white segregationist beliefs ran parallel with the old south racist teachings. All of the myths and fear of Negroes were imbedded in my consciousness.

Loved at home but ridiculed at school, twice held back, I developed a tenacious spirit that challenged authority. In the fourth grade, I challenged the bishop visiting my class, causing him to inquire of the nun, “Who is this child who dared to question me?”  A high school dropout, at eighteen I was hired by a grocery chain as a cashier and didn’t associate with any of the black employees; my Christian white world of racist beliefs remained intact.

One day, as I waited for a bus, my attention was drawn to a large picture of a serious, tight-lipped Uncle Sam pointing and saying, “I want you.”   I walked inside and enlisted because my belief was that a better education would be possible for me in the Air Force, and was then stationed in the Deep South, far from the site of my childhood failures.

My tenacity reemerged when I was confronted with repeatedly explicit sexual advances from male superiors. Not one to be stopped, I drove directly to the Pentagon in Washington, D.C. and located and met with the WAF commander. The commander promised to look into my complaint when I said that I wanted the unwanted sexual advances against myself and the other WAF personnel to be stopped.

After serving my time in the Air Force, Charleston, SC became my home.  It was be a monumental challenge trying to re-enter the job market without a college degree. I knew I had to find a way to circumvent the long-missing years without a good education and luckily a dean at a Catholic junior college was willing to allow me to enroll.   I purchased used elementary books from the neighborhood elementary school, engaged two tutors, and studied backward in order to move forward.

At the end of the first year, I transferred to the University of South Carolina in Columbia, SC and continued to be immersed in the “good ole” racist south.  Graduating with a degree in psychology, I gladly accepted a position as a guidance counselor at a Youth Opportunity Center in Charleston, SC.   After only a year, I was informed that it would be necessary to attain a master’s degree to remain credited in the counseling field – it was devastating news. I thought I had done enough to prove myself, attempting what I believed was the impossible – it felt overwhelming.  Once again attempting to circumvent the impossible, I contacted the all-black Orangeburg, SC College.  It was only 70 miles from Charleston and my racist mind was convinced it would be a piece of cake – easy in, easy out.

Being a white woman in a “Black World” had not fully registered until I entered the dorm and was faced with a black housemother and guided to my room by a black Metamorphosis - Your Stories/stories about transformation and self-realizationstudent.When I went to sign up for my classes, I was not wanted amongst the all-black students.  They would not sit near me at a table in the dinning room; left empty chairs around me in the classrooms and walked three abreast toward me on the sidewalk, causing me to walk on the grass. I was successfully isolated/segregated and it was a shock to my system.  Now, I was learning what segregation was really like.  What racist teachings could do to your mind, heart, and soul. How it crept into every crevice of your being to attack your self-worth, your identity, and your humanity. It was not a very good feeling.

While at school I was confronted with a health scare, riots on the streets of the city, riots on campus that resulted in three young black male students killed and over twenty injured. In the Nation, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated. It was a year full of sadness and life events that turned tragic.  With the riots on the campus came the fear for my life; white was not a favorite color. However, the previous three semesters had given the students and myself the time and opportunity to become acquainted and accepted in their black world.

Those days and nights (most graduate classes were held at night) were life threatening. However, the light that burst forth was the light of love. The students became very protective of my safety, watching out for me, walking me to my car. My heart was awash in a love that was beyond the color of ones skin.  I entered their world and it was life changing, life transforming. The exact moment that it happened, I cannot say, but my life as I had lived it was never the same.

I became an advocate for integration and as a counselor, I worked to improve minorities’ lives, including initiating and carrying through a lawsuit for the protection of minorities that went all the way to the United States Supreme Court.  That one-year in an all “Black World” expanded my heart to include all individuals regardless of their race, religion, or sexual orientation. I learned from my fellow students to love not judge.

In 1973, after having a mystical experience at a shrine in Lourdes, France, I began a spiritual quest that took my life in a different direction.  Today, I write, teach, and lead retreats for those seeking an understanding of spiritual principles, spiritual activities, and rising emotions; carrying with me the lessons I learned in my youth.

Laurel D. Rund

“With ignorance comes fear- from fear comes bigotry. 
Education is the key to acceptance.”   Kathleen Patel
 

Carla R. Mancari – Bio

Metamorphosis - Your Stories/stories about transformation and self-realizationCarla R. Mancari is an author, life guide, teacher, speaker and a leader of retreats. For more then 30 years, she has guided individuals in understanding of spiritual principles, activities, and rising emotions in their private and daily lives. She is the founder of The Minute Method teaching and cofounder of the Contemplative Invitation teaching. Carla’s greatest joy is helping individuals realize their self-worth, special gifts/talents, and full potential.

Although labeled a retarded child, and a high school drop out, Carla attained two University degrees, B.A. from the University of South Carolina in Columbia, South Carolina, MEd from South Carolina State University in Orangeburg, South Carolina, studied at Brigham Young University, and the School of the Americas in Switzerland, served as a certified psychologist, led a class action suit in the United States Supreme Court, for the protection of minorities rights, Morton vs. Mancari, 1973, and served in the United States Air Force.

Traveling worldwide for many years, Carla studied with Christian, Hindu, and Buddhist masters. She was a guest on the Larry King Show, guest lectured at colleges, professional groups, book clubs, books signings, and gained national recognition when featured in Good Housekeeping, “The Education of Carla Mancari, 1969” chronicling (1967-68), when she was the first white woman to receive a degree from the all black South Carolina State College in Orangeburg, South Carolina (published: Walking on the Grass: A White Woman in a Black World).  She has also authored several other books.

You may contact Carla at carla33@tampabay.rr.com

Websites: contemplativeinvitation.com, theminutemethodpractice.com.

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Synchronicities – a day in the life of Essence of Laurel

Synchronicities

“We do not create our destiny; we participate in its unfolding.  Synchronicity works as a catalyst toward the working out of that destiny.”   David Richo

Writing

Over the last few days my life has been filled with synchronistic events.  It started with me worrying about my new blog, Metamorphosis – Your Stories.   I was concerned that the stories I was asking people to share would be difficult to come by.

Then, low and behold, I got an email from a site I subscribe to – the Reporter Connection.   It dawned on me that I was participating in this site in a one-sided manner – receiving queries but not asking for participation.  So  I decided to step outside my comfort zone and submit a query to other writers  - and asked them to share their story of transformation.   I was pleased when I lerned that my “query” was accepted and would go out to the site’s subscribers.  I took a risk and was rewarded with a feeling that my intent to share these stories was not going to come to a dead end – the  the Universe would not let this project come to a halt.   Now…. hold this thought and I’ll come back to it.

Music

The next day, my partner and I went out to do some errands.   The first stop was to a dance store to pick something up.   The owner of the store and I started talking, and somehow we found out that both of our fathers were musicians.   We compared notes and discovered that each had been on the staff at ABC during the time when the television stations had live musicians “on staff”.  We somehow found out that our fathers had both worked with Artoro Toscanini, an Italian conductor;  one of the most acclaimed musicians of the late 19th and 20th century, renowned for his intensity, his perfectionism, his ear for orchestral detail and sonority, and his photographic memory.  So each of our fathers had also worked together at the New York Philharmonic.

We continued to chat on about our fathers, each recalling how it felt to hear them play.  It was an energizing and endearing encounter.  When she asked what I do, I gave her my card, told her about my artwork, writing and, of course, my blog  Metamorphosis – Your Stories.

Spirituality

The next stop was to a pack and shipping store.  While my partner was busy talking to the proprietor, I started talking with a woman who had a small dog with her.   I bent down to pet the dog and asked what her name was.  The woman replied “Shanti*”  – and I looked up and asked, “what does the name mean to you?”   She replied “peace”.

*Shanti, Santhi or Shanthi (from Sanskrit śāntiḥ) means peace, rest, calmness, tranquility, or bliss. The poet T.S. Eliot, in his poem The Waste Land (where he spelled it Shantih) translated it as “The Peace which passeth understanding.”

We talked about our mutual love of  chanting music, and discovered that we knew people in common from our different spiritual centers. Then just as quickly as the conversation started up, each of us went on our own way.   So, from asking about a dog’s name to a conversation about spirituality, who would have guessed!

No Coincidences

Now, back to my first thoughts on synchronicities 

After doing several other errands, my partner and I went to lunch.   I casually looked at my email on my IPhone (I know, be in the moment and don’t let the tech stuff get in the way), but I did.   And low and behold, I had received over 20 responses to my query for people to share stories on my blog.   I yelped with surprise and joy.   I knew right there and then that Metamorphosis – Your Stories was meant to be!

“If you only believe – all things are possible”Metamorphosis - Your Stories/Inspirational Stories of transition and self-realization

 

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It’s happening! “Metamorphosis – Your Stories” has come to life!

My new blog  “Metamorphosis – Your Stories” has come to life.   This is my way of contributing meaningful and heartfelt stories which are intended to inspire you,  the reader.

Someone once told me during a life-altering event that I should pay attention  because special moments “golden nuggets” would show themselves. During a time of excrutiating emotional pain (the last week of my husband’s life) that suggestion made me acutely aware of the random acts of kindness which occurred even though I was numb and blurred.    The memories of other’s acts of kindness are imprinted in my very being and affects who I am today.

Was there a life-changing event which transformed you and made you the person you are today?  Do you have a story to share?

When we we share our transformative moments, we put something positive into the Universe.  Let’s talk about what lights up our lives and build upon that energy!  Click on the banner below and it will take you to the page which describes how you can participate in Metamorphosis – Your Stories.  Let’s pay-it-forward together!   Thank you for participating.   Laurel

“One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.”

Friedrich Nietzche

 

Metamorphosis - Your Stories/Inspirational Stories of transition and self-realization

 

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On Becoming A Flute Player by Diana Daffner

Metamorphosis – Your Stories 

 

On Becoming a Flute Player

 

Contributed by Diana Daffner

 

Metamorphosis - Your Stories_On Becoming a Flute Player

I was 23 years old and not terribly sure of myself. I had been, perhaps unduly, influenced by the character Luisa in The Fantasticks, who cried out, “Please God, please, don’t let me be normal!” If “normal” meant the life I saw around me as I came of age in the sixties, I knew I wanted something different.

But even after four years in college including a semester abroad, I still didn’t know who I was or what I was meant to be doing in the world, and certainly had not thought about becoming a flute player.

When I was younger, my parents had insisted on my taking piano lessons. I never practiced enough to become skilled. Music did not seem to be a passion for me. Yet somehow, during my 23rd summer, living in California, I acquired a recorder. One night at a party, a fellow I was with wanted me to play certain specific notes to accompany him. Perhaps he played guitar, I don’t recall. I had great difficulty sticking to the exact notes and melody he requested. This upset him enough to say to me: “If you can’t do that, you probably shouldn’t play music at all.”

Crushing words that I have never forgotten. Crushing words that might have kept me forever from the joy I now experience as a flute player.  Although flute playing is not my profession, it is a valued and frequently indulged delight!

The pleasure in playing music has various levels. As I play, I am aware of an amazing flow rushing through me. I become one with that flow. It is a feeling of aliveness and emotion, a movement of vibrating life force. The sounds that emerge are both the cause and effect of that flow. It is an integrated dance of breath, sound and energy. And when I make music with another person, the energy of his or her flow enters into me and weaves with my own to create something entirely new.  It is like making love.

What? You might be wondering, how did that happen? How did I recover from such a devastating put-down to end up where I am now, where making music is like making love?

Apparently something in me just didn’t accept what that fellow had said to me. Instead, and for no conscious reason that I can recall, I walked into a pawn shop a few weeks later and bought a silver flute! Somewhere in me was a knowing and a longing to make music. Despite those hurtful words, despite my disinterest in practicing piano, despite the fact that I cannot easily “carry a tune” and despite the fact that I knew nothing about flutes, I bought one. I didn’t even know if it was in working condition.

Fortunately, I knew a man in Big Sur, where I lived, who played saxophone (mostly) and flute (sometimes) with a band called Big Sur Light & Power. His name was Karl, and it is to him that I owe my transformation from inept and disinterested musician to someone who plays and loves to play the flute. I brought my newly purchased flute to Karl. He told me it needed to be repaired before it could be played. I was disappointed, so he showed me how to blow a couple of notes on HIS flute. Three, to be exact. He taught me to play three notes.

Shortly afterward, I was at a large party atop Partington Ridge, with a vast view, beneath us, of the Pacific Ocean. Karl’s band was playing – mostly him on sax and about ten men on conga drums. There were plenty of women, of course, who were all dancing, swaying to the rhythm of the drums, nearly all dressed in leotard tops and long skirts. Women were not permitted to play drums in Big Sur in those days. Music making was what the guys did. The women danced and cooked, and were often barefoot and pregnant. (Honestly, this was Big Sur in the sixties!)

Rather than joining the women, I sat close to where Karl was playing, hoping he would play his flute. He didn’t, and eventually the band stopped to take a break. The women disappeared to serve food, and other men stepped up to the drums to continue playing, to keep the music alive. As Karl put away his sax, I asked him to play his flute, since I figured I ought to learn what it sounds like. He obliged, for only a few minutes. Then, suddenly, he turned to me with flute outstretched in his hand, saying, OK, it’s your turn now. What??  Me?? I knew how to play THREE notes – and had only played them at his house a few days earlier. Something in me was yearning to reach out and take the flute, and I suppose he saw that, but there was no way I was going to do so in front of all those people. Me? I can’t even carry a tune, or remember a simple melody.

Karl stood resolute, saying to me these exact words: “You’re going to have to start some time, it might as well be now.” He spoke directly to my heart and I heard him. I will forever be grateful to him. Had he not encouraged me in such a straightforward way, I might never have stepped up to play. I took his flute, stood in front of the drummers, and tentatively blew one of the notes he had taught me. The drummers kept playing, as they had been playing throughout our little side conversation. Then I blew the second note, letting my body pick up the rhythm of the drums, feeling it inside me. Finally, the third note. And the drummers kept drumming!

So I began to improvise, first one, than another, and back to the third note, even mixing them up. The drummers kept drumming. For the first time in my life I was making music, and absolutely loving it!

As if that wasn’t enough, another fellow with a flute suddenly appeared. He began to play. He knew a whole lot more than my three notes and together we continued to make music. I couldn’t believe it – I was in heaven. I was so high that I thought I might fall off the mountain, I was becoming a flute player! This is a heaven I may never have discovered if not for that transformational push from Karl. I only wish I knew where he is to thank him.

 On becoming a flute player

“Find what makes your heart sing and create your own music.”  Mac Anderson

Metamorphosis - Your Stories_on becoming a flute player

Diana Daffner – BIO

In addition to her being an avid flute player, Diana Daffner is a workshop leader and the author of Tantric Sex for Busy Couples: How to Deepen Your Passion in Just Ten Minutes a Day.

A personal coach and teacher in the fields of relationship, sexuality, energy awareness, Reiki, massage and meditation, Diana also holds a black belt in Aikido and is an accredited Tai Chi Chih instructor. With her husband Richard, she developed a movement program for couples called “Tantra Tai Chi.” Together, the Daffners lead Intimacy Retreats in U.S. & international locations.

For more information, please visit www.DianaDaffner.com and www.IntimacyRetreats.com.

 

 How to submit a story to Metamorphosis - Your Stories

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To be or Just Be – That is the Question

To be or Just Be – That is the Question

 

Every day is filled with questions, especially whether I should/can be or just be?  I realize that I often get stuck in fear and bogged down with mapping out every single detail of what I am working on.    When I get quiet and listen to my own voice, go within and remember not to be unsure, afraid, or self-doubting I move forward.

Sometimes it’s as simple as reminding myself that the edit button is a magical and freeing tool (used to be that’s why pencil’s have erasors!)   I can change what I have written, rework a piece of art that meets me where I am, or change my attitude.

So, when you are wondering whether to be or just be –  remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face-you must do the thing you think you cannot do.”  

Carpe Diem!

Laurel

Laurel's blog about to be or just be - that is the question!

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Emerging Voices – Find out where joy resides

Emerging Voices – the book, the storyart

by Laurel D. Rund

 

 

I love quotes!   Collect them, save them, use them to inspire myself and others.   One of my favorite quotes “A bird does not sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song” (Chinese proverb) held particular meaning to me as I was creating my first book “Emerging Voices”.  I knew I didn’t have an answer, but nothing was going to stop me from singing my song.  This quote also inspired me to create the bird which graces each page of my book (see below).   She makes my heart sing!

When I sell my book Emerging Voices in person, I include that quote with my  autograph with the additional words ”go sing your song!”

Laurel D. Rund

My love of quotes found its way into my artwork in the form of  story art cards.   They can be found on my Fine Art America gallery.   A few samples are shown below.  Enjoy!  Laurel

 

Emerging Voices by Laurel Rund

Story Art Cards by Essence of Laurel

 

storyart quote cards by Essence of Laurel

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Events with Essence of Laurel

 

 

Events with Essence of Laurel

I will be participating in the 23rd Annual Hyde Park Art Festival.   Look for the Essence of Laurel Booth and come by to say hello!   Laurel

Hyde Park Village, Tampa, FL

If you’re planning a trip to Tampa, or nearby St. Petersburg, put this event on your list of things to do. Tampa’s trendy downtown area of Hyde Park Village with brick courtyards, fountains and tree-lined streets is the perfect backdrop for a fine outdoor festival such as the 23rd Annual Hyde Park Village Art Fair. Life-size sculptures, spectacular paintings, one-of-a-kind jewels, photography, ceramics, and much more make for one fabulous weekend.

Saturday & Sunday 10:00 AM – 5:00 PM   Free Admission

Navigational Address

1622 Snow Avenue
Tampa, FL 33606

Directions:
From I-275: Take the Howard/Armenia exit near downtown. Go south on Armenia to Swann Ave. Turn left on Swann and go about 1/4 mile to Hyde Park Village.

Hope to see you at the 23rd Annual Hyde Park Village Art Festival!

Photography Prints

Photography Prints

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24th Annual Downtown Sarasota Festival of the Arts ~ February 18th & 19th, 2012

Getting ready for the 24th Annual Downtown Sarasota Festival of the Arts (Sarasota, FL) February 18th & 19th, 2012, Saturday & Sunday 10:00 AM – 5:00 PM   Main Street in downtown Sarasota, Fl     The Essence of Laurel booth number is 194 and will be located facing the Selby Library, 1331 First Avenue, Sarasota, FL 34236.Keeping my fingers, toes and eyes crossed in hope that it doesn’t rain.   Hope to see you at the art show.   My best,  Laurel

 

Wow, dreams do come true!

Essence

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MOVING FORWARD

For whatever we lose (like a you or a me),  
It’s always our self we find in the sea.
~e.e. cummings
I created this piece yesterday (or repurposed one that I wasn’t satisfied with) and came up with “Moving Forward” … and thought “isn’t that what life’s about, repurposing ourselves as we wake up each day?”   Wishing you a lovely and happy holiday season.   May you enjoy every day as it arrives, and celebrate with the intent to be present in the moment.   With much love for life, Laurel


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Different Points of View

Different Points of View

“Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end; then stop.”       Lewis Carrol, Alice in Wonderland

As I venture into the world of artisans, I have come to realize that everyone has a different point of view.  Some are sharp and opinionated, some are softly whispered, and some create emerging thoughts for me to ponder.   I am learning to process what I hear, what is said – and then to trust my own intuition.   Life is about the journey, about learning experiences and, most of all, about honoring and trusting my own instincts.    What is your point of view?
And the winner is:  Kirsten of Persnickity Cat.  The title of this story art is “Another Chance”….thank you Kirsten

Note:  after naming this picture, someone sent in the name “transformation” … and I felt that should be part of the title.   It’s all about change, even the picture keeps changing as I “tweek” it.   It is a work in progress as is the Essence of Laurel.

Another Chance - the Transformation

 

 

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With a Wink and a Nod

Widow Wonders if She’ll Ever ‘Fit’ with Another Man

Laurel Rund | November 23, 2011

Liana watched as the email came in.  A “wink” from the cyberspace-dating world.  God, she said to herself, how did I get myself into this?  She settled down into the office chair and clicked on the picture.  Ugg, not for me.  So she pushed the search button and scanned the faces that were supposed to match with her.  Looking at their eyes, their smile – trying to find someone who seemed familiar, someone to fill the huge void in her heart.

She knew that it was really too soon to start dating again, but the computer drew her in and offered temporary distraction from her grief.   Sam was gone only three months, and her loneliness felt bottomless and searing.  The pain was mind numbing, and she was filled with chaotic noise.

Liana was surprised that the thought of another man even entered her head.  She was searching for comfort and was drawn to the images coming from her computer.

She was acutely aware that there was no one to put his arm around her shoulder in a familiar and loving way.  It was the knowing that Sam wasn’t there to embrace her, or to share in a lingering and familiar kiss.  It was the sadness she had knowing that she was no longer held special in his eyes, or that she would never again feel the safety of his arms.   His being was gone and the curtain had come down on their shared history.

While looking at the computer screen, she wondered if she would ever “fit” with someone again?   It was as if she would be an alien meeting a human for the first time.  After so many years, 44, to be precise, Liana didn’t know what someone else would feel like.  How would she feel when someone other than Sam kissed or touched her?

She shuddered when she used the word widow.  It was a label she hadn’t anticipated, and didn’t want to embody. She could taste the bitterness surging through her body. Liana stroked the image of Sam’s face in his picture.  She said out loud with tears flowing down her cheeks, “why did you leave me?  How could you do that to me, to us at this time in our lives?”

Seeking comfort, Liana wrapped herself in Sam’s bathrobe, sniffing it to catch a whiff of him.  She often sprayed his bathrobe with his favorite cologne – a familiar and delicious smell.  The bathrobe brought back so many memories – when she would stand behind him, wrap her arms around him, and nuzzle into him.  Sam would laugh and turn his face to her with his winning grin.  Never to be relived again, just to be replayed in her memory as a treasured moment.

Liana wandered into the kitchen and rummaged though the pantry looking for something to push down her pain.  Nothing worked, nothing removed the bitter taste, and even chewing was an effort.  She felt lost, weary and lonely.

So she reluctantly made her way into their bedroom with her beloved cats in tow.  Liana’s cats had been sentinels at her side during the ordeal of his dying and death. They knew something was wrong, and tried to comfort her by curling up beside her – nuzzling her arm, hitting her with their tails.  They slept nearby which helped ease her loneliness.

Her side of the king sized bed shrunk; she slept near the edge – not wanting to move into the sacred space where she used to snuggle into him.  Sam’s side of the bed was empty and a reminder of his absence.  She could barely look at it and covered up the vacant space by putting things there — magazines, books, folders, and papers.

During those rare moments when she actually slept, out of habit Liana would reach out to touch him, nudge him with her foot, put her hand on his back to make sure he was breathing.  These “things” gave her something to touch other than empty space.

While sitting in their bed and silently weeping, Liana often wrote Sam letters, sharing words for him to hear.  She knew that Sam’s energy was there, and if he could, he would have reached through the ethers to comfort her.

Throughout their ordeal, Sam’s eyes told her that he desperately wanted to protect her from what was to come, but he didn’t know how.  Her heart actually hurt and her grief oozed out when that image emerged.  She was wounded and raw, and felt like a stranger in her own body and mind.

Liana knew that she was in uncharted waters. It was another beginning, a new unanticipated journey.  Her survival instincts kicked in and she made an appointment with a hospice bereavement counselor, intuitively knowing this would help guide her through the maze of her loss, her grief.

After finally falling into a fitful sleep she awoke with a start, and these words surfaced: “Where are you?Where are you? “  The silence in their bedroom provided no comfort, no answer.  Just the blinking of a digital clock telling her that it had been his time to go, and it was her time to learn how to “be” on her own.   Together, as a couple, Sam and Liana’s life had been filled with treasured gifts. Now, on her own, there were life lessons ahead to experience.

The next morning, Liana sat in bed with her coffee and opened her laptop.  The computer blinked, a new cyber-space stranger had noticed her and wanted to communicate.  And, so, another day began with a “wink” and a “nod”.

Laurel D. Rund 2010

Note:  I am pleased to say that this piece, which was a reflection of my life over two years ago, no longer holds true.  I offer these words and this story as solace and understanding to anyone going through the loss of a partner.  Cyberspace for me, now, is a place I go to for sharing (and shopping).  Even though I didn’t think it was possible to really love again, a wonderful man has entered my life, and has helped heal and fill my heart. I will always hold a special place for my husband in this heart of mine, but I have learned that  life is filled with infinite possibilities as we create our story each day.

Here’s how I serendiptiously met my significant (truly significant) other.     Just Be!

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